Happy 5th Anniversary to ME!

September 7, 2007 was a sad and shocking day for me. It was the day I was diagnosed with ULMS and told I had a 30% chance of living a year. Today I celebrate 5 years of survival! What an awesome day! Happy Anniversary to ME!

What a journey it has been and continues to be. Every day, every moment, every breath, my senses consumed by this journey we call Cancer. Still, when looking back over the past 5 years, I wouldn't change a thing. Peculiar you think? I suspect it is...but, I have learned to embrace this journey and know that it has been part of my life plan and has taught me lessons that I needed to learn. It has also taught others along the way I feel sure.

I just finished round 3 of Chemo and get scanned again on September 13th. This will determine whether the current chemo regimen has been successful in eradicating the cancer. I have also continued my laser treatments. This chemo has been a lot kinder than the last. It was a bumpy start but after adjusting my dosages, it hasn't been that difficult. I can tell when my blood levels drop as I get dizzy when bending over and rising again or getting up quickly, am a little weak in the knees and a bit nauseated and just kinda feeling "blah." But, nothing I can't handle. I've been fighting a chest cold for the past 3 weeks but think that it is finally getting some better. I'm sure my white cells are working as hard as they can right now. Whats left of them anyway.

 It's so nice to be living with no pain as I have since my surgery! My energy is high, my outlook is positive and life is good!

Chemo club...returning member

The chemo "lounge" There are 18 thrown's. The place was packed today. It saddens me to see so many people fighting cancer. I sat in the waiting room and cried. It was difficult to see so many turbins, wigs, baldness, heads resting in hands, frailty, emanciation, swollen faces, feet and hands, staggered gaits, families pushing loved ones in wheel chairs, sullen eyes...I looked around the room and embraced hope for each one there. I know what you feel. I know your thoughts, your wishes, your struggles, your loss, your gain, your journey.  I'm sorry my friend. I truly am sorry.

When I enter the chemo lounge, every chair is occupied. Some are lying under blankets with their heads covered, some are staring into space. A few are talkative (like me). Young and old, black and white, woman and man...all on this journey together.

The potion (Gemzar and Carboplatin) with some anti-emetic and saline mixed in. I asked for the saline because I felt I needed the hydration. I go back next week for another dose of Gemzar and then I'm off a week. Then repeat the same cycle. After 3 cycles I'll get scanned again. I heard today that "Obama care" was passed. That sickens me. The consensus in the clinic is the same disheartened feeling. Watch as our insurance premiums go up and more procedures, medications and diagnostics get denied. It's very scary for people like me with a chronic disease that costs millions to treat. I'm afraid they'll start choosing who gets to survive and who gets to die.

Beautiful flowers that happily occupy my dear sister friends garden in Paducah Kentucky. I love you Susan! I needed to see your flowers today.

Mommie and Sister time...

Mommie and sister Cyndi graced me with a post discharge visit. They felt that since we're living on "The Knob" in a camper with low power source (which means no air conditioner) and a bumpy long driveway that it would be a good idea to get a hotel room for at least a week to help me through my recovery. I'm so thankful you did that for us. Thank you mother so much for providing the room and Cyndi for your "nursing" care. I felt so loved and cared for. Even though I didn't do anything but lay in the bed and cry most of the time. You made the difficult time much easier.

On Friday, sisters Beverly, Lisa and Angie and nieces Chelsie and Kari came from Kentucky and got a room across the hall. It was nice to be surrounded by my sisters, mother and nieces.  I'm just sorry I wasn't able to be the "party animal" I usually am. Maybe next time...

Have you ever noticed how it seems that you're put in places that are strategically chosen? Well that's what happened with our choice of hotels. It just so happens that the receptionist "Jessica"  is also a cancer survivor. She was so sweet and gentle. We bonded instantly. We shared experiences and hope, we cried and laughed and inspired one another. Jessica came to my room one day with a little basket with a candle, book and card which was signed by Jessica, her husband and son. It so touched my heart. We visited for a bit and shared experiences.

My husband, my buddy, my pal...

Sister Cyndi and I getting some sun at the pool...

Jessica and I

Rand keeping me motivated and moving

Presenting a baby hat that mother and Angie knitted for Jessica's baby which is due this winter.

Saying goodbye to my new little friend.

Tiffany and the kids came to visit and we were able to catch a photo of 4 generations...

Lunch at Five Guys before everyone headed home...

Nieces Kari and Chelsie

Mom at the laundry mat...Thanks Cyndi and Mom for doing the laundry!

Love notes from "7 sisters" to "Five Guys"

The "Happy Belles" plant we gave to the hotel for their hospitality. I told them that the plant will remind them that they made us "happy belles" for being so nice.

Group shot before we go...

Me holding the handmade blanket that my dear friend Susan Meachum Grace made for me out of ties.  Everything was hand sewn. Thank you so much Susan! I will treasure it always.

Grammy's little rug rats....

Surgery successful!

On May 29th I had surgery as planned. It was a long and difficult surgery but I was in excellent, skilled and loving hands. Thanks to Dr. Kilgore, Dr. Lewis and the staff at UT Hospital in Knoxville for taking such good care of me. We were told that the tumor was on the verge of rupture and had it ruptured I would have died instantly. Much like a gunshot to the belly. That freaked me out a bit. But, made me realize what Dr. Kilgore told me..."it wasn't your time to go Cathie"

On my way to surgery...

Our kiss goodbye...I was so afraid and bawling my eyes out. Behind Rand stood my Daughter Tiffany, In-laws Bill and Sandy Cardwell and best friend Robin Jones. Thank you my precious family and friend who came to be with me when I was so afraid. I love you all so much! Thank you Lisa and Toby Kieser for coming to the hospital and supporting Rand during my surgery too. You all are so special. 

Post op oxygen and naso-gastric tube...

Thrombo guards and I didn't realize my urine was so bloody until I saw this picture.

The nasty tumor...thank you for the lessons you taught me but it's time for you to go.

My beautiful daughter took time out of her busy schedule to spent the night with me in the hospital. Thank you my precious for being there for me and for your love. You're such a special spirit.

Trying to get a drop of water...the swabs and I became very attached.

2 IV's in my arm and 1 in my port, pulse ox on my ear...

Pain free for 3 months, then....

I continued my laser treatments after my last chemo and experienced pain free life for about 3 months. I truly believe it was the laser that helped. My tumor shrank from about 7cm to 5cm. Then Rand and I moved to our land "Gobbler Knob" We decided to simplify our life and are now living in a camper with a room built on the front of it. It's been a blessing to live in such an environment and away from the hustle and bustle. Its funny how you realize how much you don't need and how most people have way too many "things" Living meagerly sure does teach one many lessons. I tend to the chickens and work to make our place feel like home. Rand works long days trying to pull things together and get all of our "buildings" built. We're building an earth bag home. Very excited and very labor intensive. We hope to be in it by winter of 2012. It may not be complete but livable. My poor husband has done the majority of the work himself. There are times however that we are blessed with help from my father in law Bill, son Corey and our grand daughters boyfriend Bill. Thanks guys! And thanks Dad for everything you do for us! We love you all!

When we moved to "The Knob" it was very difficult to coordinate a time to get my laser treatments with Doc Dennis and I failed to get treatments for 6 weeks. Slowly my pain came creeping back until I was having to medicate myself 3 times a day with little relief. I was rescanned and my scan revealed that my tumor had grown to 8cm! Dr. Kilgore and Dr. Lewis decided it was time to proceed with surgery and surgery was set for May 29th. I'm told that the surgery is major and there is a risk of injuring major blood vessels, losing my legs or living with a colostomy and then of course with any surgery...death!  Ugh!

But, one must be strong and look at the blessings....at least I still have the option of surgery...could  be worse...I could have been told there is nothing that can be done...so once again, Thank you Lord!~

ROUND 3....CHECK!

Every season that visits us, every turn in the rivers path, every look upon the horizon gives us appreciation of the wonderful world around us and heightens our awareness to the whispering lessons of the universe....sit quietly and listen....

 December 2011

Round 3 completed! Thank the Lord!

So glad to have that milestone behind me. No more major bumps in the road. Typical side effects, nausea, constipation, weakness, malaise, little unsteady, dry skin...nothing I can't handle. For those of you who share in chronic conditions, you understand how endurance for discomfort seems to rise and things that would normally put you to bed, now become daily inconveniences that you deal with. Funny and good, how one's body adapts over time.

 During my week at the hospital I had a nice visit from my friend Robin, Dr. Kilgore performed a beautiful winter song on his guitar and sent it to me, my in-laws Bill and Sandy paid me several visits, Rand was in and out between working on The Knob and caring for our animals. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He's my rock and resting place when my world crumbles around me. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this wonderful man to share this life journey. I had a nice surprise visit from my beautiful and loving daughter Tiffany one evening. We had a nice talk and were able to share our hearts. She's such a strong woman. Although, sometimes she has to be reminded of that...

The week went fairly fast which I was thankful for. Now I'm back home, got most of my Christmas shopping done and am enjoying the company of my daughter Lyndsay who is in from North Carolina. She's been a great help with getting gifts wrapped and keeping the house put together, tending to the pups and such. Thank you so much Lyndsay!  We're saddened that our son in law Michael is deployed to Afghanistan and on the front lines (FOB). He's going to miss Christmas, his Birthday, Easter and Lyndsay's Birthday. When you're in the Military though, you just get used to having to miss major events with your family. Still sucks though. We pray for his safety and Gods blessing on him daily. Our son Tanner will be leaving for deployment the end of February.  Grand baby # 6 is expected to arrive in January. Tanner will have to leave when she is only a month old. I know that's going to be difficult.

 I'm thinking of family as I listen to some beautiful soothing music my Mother LaDonna and PaPa John recorded for me, Celtic in nature with windpipes, soothing guitars, piano and stringed instruments. Thanks Mom and John!  I think of my Sister Lisa who recently went through hip surgery for a condition she has had since birth, finally at 42 yrs old she has a new hip! She had her surgery the same day I started round 3. She's also going through some other challenges and I pray for guidance as she is faced with decisions. I pray for a heart of discernment and strength. I think of my sister Cyndi who has always been the rock in our family, holding everything together in her beautiful way! How full of Gods Grace and love she is. She radiates with his mercy and kindness, and Mike, her husband who stands beside her with strength, faith and support. I think of my sister Angie who through her nonsense and antics never fails to make me laugh, and her sweet disposition helps to hold the family together, she and Cyndi are much like partners in crime. I think of my other sisters Janis and Beverly who came for a visit a few weeks ago and how even though we mainly laid around it felt so good to just have sisters near. I think of my sister Luann, the oldest of us all. I miss her. And want her to know that I remember the closeness of our growing years and even though our paths barely cross now and then, I love her. and think of her constantly. I think of my Daddy and Debbie. How many memories can you pack into one moment? Daddy has always made us laugh, has always been strong, tall and bullet proof. Recently, it has become more difficult for him to remember and this breaks our hearts, Debbie has taken such good care of him and I know that it's been challenging. But, we all remain blessed by our memories and continued closeness. There are so many more thoughts exploding from my head and heart right now...it's difficult to put them together in some sensible and logical form, one thought births another and I could go on forever....my Aunt Nancy who is fighting cancer, my friends who have continued to touch my life, my husband and his daily walk with me, my new found faith....Thank you Lord for knowing my heart, for blessing me everyday and giving me newness of life with every sunrise!

Happy Spring~

Spring has brought happy times and memories. Spring, one of my most favorite times of year. New life, hope and color...life played out in poetry~

 This beautiful flower was grown in my Earth Sister Susan Meachum Grace's garden....Thanks Susan!

My new horse "Roddy" I've wanted a horse since I was in my teens. At 54 yrs  old I finally got my horse.

My daughter Lyndsay came to visit in May. Thank you honey for our special Mom and daughter time.

Grand daughter Deanna and boyfriend Bill spent some time with us on the Knob.

Friend Lisa, my little horse Roddy. Thanks for being such a sweet friend Lisa and teaching me about horses.

Standing at the door to the chicken coop with my dozen of fresh brown eggs. Chickens are so cool.

Rand and the pups. The little one is a puppy "Maggie" we got for our daughter Lyndsay.

Beautiful horses on our farm

The farm is such a peaceful and beautiful place

Kylee and Landan came to spend some time with us on the Knob. I always enjoy my time with my Grandchildren.

Grand daughter Deanna and Rand with Roddy. We'll get you a horse one day honey. Hopefully you won't have to wait until you're 54!

Special time with our new grand daughter Emerson, daughter in law Catie and Rands parents.

Mothers Day at Cracker Barrell.

Kylee and Landan played T Ball. It was so comical to watch. No rhyme or reason to the game.

Daughter Tiffany coaching Kylee on 2nd base

"Now Landan, you need to wear your glove so you can catch the ball"

Daddy Jason riding bikes to music with the grand kids. It was so funny! They are such a crazy family. Jason and Tiffany are such wonderful parents. Every day is an adventure!

My Beautiful daughter Tiffany on her 30th Birthday

Kylee turns 4! She dressed herself that day. Plastic jewelry, hair bow, tu tu and cowboy boots. I think its so cool that Tiff just lets her be who she is...part of being a good parent. I don't remember being "that good"

 Sometimes we forget all the little memories that make up our life until we start looking through the pictures that captured the moment. Then we realize, "gee whiz, my life is so full and wonderful!"

Grandchild #6

Grandpa Rand and little Monkey

January 25th blessed us with our new Grand daughter Emerson Rhea Cardwell, the beautiful daughter of our son Tanner and his wife Catie. Thank you Lord for another blessing...

The little hat was made by me "Grandmommie"