back to the chemo club

My September scan showed an increase in the lesion at the aortic biforcation. It now measures 5.4cm. My pain has become more consistant resulting in having to medicate 2 times a day. Dr. Kilgore called me to his office after he presented my results to the tumor board. I knew what that meant. It meant chemo...and yes, that's exactly what he told us. We were able to hold off longer than we thought we could, but waiting any longer would put me at risk of it getting out of hand. So, I tearfully accepted my assignment. Back to the chemo club I go.

The drugs I'll recieve this time are Adriamycin and Ifosfamide. This little cocktail has shown good results with Sarcoma and Dr. Kilgore expects it to shrink the lesion. A great side effect of the lesion getting smaller will be a decrease in pain. I'm all about that!

So, the plan is to get some base line testing done because the chemo can affect my heart and neurological status. Some people have experienced balance problems, coordination issues, hearing loss and such. Today I had my echo cardiogram, I get my port placed on October 3rd and will get a hearing test. These are my baseline tests so if I start having deficits, they can be identified early.

Yes, I dread the whole ordeal, but surprisingly, after my day of crying when I was told it was time, I have a sense of acceptance and thankfulness that the outcome could mean a decrease in size and pain and prolonging my life. I'll lose my hair again, no big deal. Well kind of but, I've done it before and it wasn't that bad. I still have all my wigs, red, brunette, dark brown and even grey.

My chemo will be done about every 3 to 4 weeks for a duration of 6 cycles (or 6 months.) So in March 2012 I'll be finished. I'll be hospitalized for the infusion that will last 3 days. I'll check in on a Monday for prep, be infused on Tues, Wed and Thurs and go home on Friday. I'll be hyper hydrated with IV fluids to flush my kidneys. Now that I only have one functioning kidney, its super important to prevent toxicity.

I wonder why I'm ok with it all...why I'm not freaking out and slipping into a despair of depression. Yes, I'm sad but it's a sadness that my life has been so extremely altered by this dragon called CANCER. It seems somewhat surreal at this point. I'm sure it'll hit me one day like a black drape thrown over my head.
Will it be the day I decide to shave my head to avoid my hair falling out slowly? Will it be when I get my port placed? Will it be when I'm admitted to the hospital for the first time or when the first bag of cocktail is hung? Will it be the first feeling of the effects of chemo when I'm vomiting and hurting from the medication to help my bone marrow production or stumbling my way to the bathroom? Will it be when I'm too weak to do my dishes or laundry or cook my husband supper or care for my dogs? Will it be when I pass on the Marquarita when my husband and I go to dinner? I'm sure it'll come...

                                     I am ever so thankful because I am again given hope.