SCAN not good

I had my scan in April and it showed growth in my lower abdomen involving the lymph at the bifurcation of the Aorta...also lesions in my lungs had increased in size. The pain in my abdomen and lower back is more frequent. Most of the time it's daily, sometimes I am blessed by no pain for a day. Pain medications are a common place now. When I'm not in pain, I feel wonderful. When the pain hits, I crash and burn. Thankfully the medication helps and I've figured out the right combination to get the best results.

When I got the results in April, Dr. Kilgore (my Oncologist buddy and Pal and his wonderful Nurse Practitioner Amanda) told me that I was headed for Chemo. He reminded me that chemo is given for 3 reasons 1. to cure  2. to control pain  3. to prolong life. He told me again that Chemo would NOT cure me. That my cancer is incurable. I like to think of it as a chronic disease...

He said I could start my chemo now or wait a while longer. He said it would change me. He said it would be horrible as he is pulling out the "big guns".  Although it's difficult to hear his words at times, I am deeply grateful for his honesty and true compassion.

I chose to wait and try to make it through the summer. I just started a new job with Blue Cross of TN as a field Care Coordinator. I work from home and travel to beautiful Campbell County to see my patients. This job has certainly been a blessing. I also want to enjoy my summer as it is one of my favorite times of year. I turn 54 in July and don't want to be sick and on Chemo if I can help it. So, in the meantime, I'll get scanned monthly, manage the pain and happily, thankfully, LIVE!

Today I got scanned again. It was a tearful day. I sent a text to friends and family and asked for prayer and positive energy. The response was humbling. Thank you all for reaching out to me and up to GOD on my behalf during this time. I talked back and forth with my sister Cyndi and sobbed as I listened to some beautiful Celtic music. I screamed out "I want to live! I'm not ready to die!"

When I was at my facility seeing my patients, I was blessed to meet a young woman who is a therapist who shared her Cancer journey with me. We talked and cried, we mirrored each others words, fears, blessings and experiences. We talked about how we've changed throughout our journey. How we seek love, harmony and beauty in everything we do. We talked about how we can't tolerate discord, anger and dis-harmony. We talked about how we love birthdays and how thankful we are to have wonderful loving families, friends and husbands. (Hers is her boyfriend.)  We talked about how we realize that certain people come into our lives at just the right time for a purpose greater than our own understanding. Like today, when we were placed at the same place at the same time. We both needed each other at that moment. Our souls intertwined and our spirits danced.  We both agreed that we wouldn't trade our journey. That when we see others afflicted with this awful disease, it breaks our hearts and, that in some twisted way, Cancer has blessed us and we are enlightened~