July 27, 2009 - 8:30 AM Nervous and tearful this morning. I get ready for my appointment with anticipation. On our way, Rand takes my hand and offers encouragemnt, re-assuring me that no matter what, he tells me "we will get through this and everything is going to be ok, I know you're scared" as he kisses my hand. I believe him...I hang on his every word.
We arrive at my appointment and as we sit in the waiting room, I rummage through magazines. I beleive I have read all of them at least twice in all of my visits with Dr. Martin. As I am sitting there I catch the site of someone familiar in my peripheral vision. The next thing I know she is approaching me and saying my name with arms outstretched toward me. "Cathie?" Oh my gosh, I can't believe it! I had not spoken to her (Name omitted to protect privacy) in months. Our girls went to school together and were best friends. When I was going through treatment I got a call from my daughter that her friends mother had been diagnosed with ULMS too and was facing surgery. I wanted to reach out to her, to encourage her, to let her know what to expect, to be a resource. She had always been very private and I didn't want to intrude but, in the same respect I wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. That I understood what she was going through. So, I emailed her. Weeks went by before I got a response. And at that moment we bonded in our journey. An email every now and then. Just enough to maintain that needed connection. She sat down and we talked about our side effects, emotions, uncertainty. Everything that she shared with me was exactly what I went through. Our journeys were mirrored. It was so wonderful to see her. And, to once again share.
Finally, my name was called and Rand and I were escorted back to the exam room. Dr. Martin entered soon after with my chart in tow. He explained that the Biopsy revealed a metastatic lesion. LMS had made it's way to my right lung. Tears fill my eyes and Rands arm gently wraps my shoulder. My options are to leave it alone or excise. Of course I choose to excise. Dr. Martin refers me to a pulmonologist, Dr. Maggart. My appointment is set for August 11th, Rands Birthday.
I don't feel the despair that I felt before...mostly just pissed off and afraid. This wasn't in my plan. I've got other things to do.
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4 comments:
Cathie,
I dropped to my knees and cried and prayed for you when I read this. I was so hoping you would get good news, especially with the pet scan results being positive. I can't believe you are going to have to go through this again. I will continue to pray for you, I love you! Michelle
My dear, sweet sister,... I don't even know what to say except that I love you and hate that this is happening to you. Stay mad at the cancer and stay stronger than the disease. You are in my prayers and my heart is heavy yet hopeful that if you could lick it once, you can do it again. I appreciate your attitude through all of this. Hang in there, my dear, and let me know if you need anything.
Hugs, kisses and bunches of love,
Jan
Hello, sweetie. I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this again. Please, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! I wish that there was something I could say or do to help you and make it easier for you. I guess all I can do is pray for you and your dear family and let you know how much you are loved. You are forever in my heart. Thank you for being an inspiration!
Love forever,
Beverly
Cathie,
I love you so much and hate that you are going through this. Use your anger and fear to fight and to conquer this monster once again. I will keep you, Rand and your kids in my prayers as always. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I love you.
Hugs and kisses,
Angie
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