Thank you Cancer

The chair is not empty, it holds the heart and desires, pain and fear, joy and love of all who have rested. It's weathered wood, once a tree, it's legs in the sand of an ocean alive and vibrant with its ebb and flow. May our souls never feel empty but be ever knowing that life is beautiful and good, and full of hope even when we can't see it.

Thank you Cancer

I know you're not expecting this, 

a thank you from me to you. 

But Cancer you're quite deserving 

of this poem of gratitude. 

For you have taught me many things, 

I otherwise had missed. 

Like watching for the moon to rise 

through the rainy mist

I never would have seen each day 

quite like I do right now

or say thank you quite as often 

Or I love you as clear and loud

I never would have not have cared

If my floors were polished bright

Or worried quite so worriedly

if my clothes would fit just right

I never would have known the feeling

of a true and simple life, 

like taking time to sit in silence

or listen with no sight

just close my eyes and breathe in deep

embrace the moment given

and reach out into pureness 

to those I love in Heaven

I never would have let things go

that used to tear my down

Or find the silver lining 

amidst my tearful frown

You see you've 

changed me for the better

Though you've ravaged 

and frightened me

But through the anguish 

you brought on 

you made

 this change in me.

Cathie Cardwell 

9 May 2013

Morning in May

This beautiful flower was given to me by my daughter Lyndsay for Mothers Day 2010. It reminds me of my 3 children, Corey, Tiffany and Lyndsay.  Each perfectly made yet each unique one unto itself.  Each striving for it's own identity, reaching in different directions to find its light,  yet sharing common ground of emerging from one stem, one set of roots, one pot of soil.  How glorious the magic of life and all things intertwined to reveal such beauty and simplicity.

Morning in May
 

Thankful for this day,
flowers in sweet array,
nestled safe within my heart
A blessing for this day
The sweetness of simplicity
The sharing of one's heart
Like blooms amidst the garden wall
My soul can not depart
For I must stay, this fragrance sweet
and gaze upon God's hand
And feel the grass beneath my feet
to ease my trembling and,
if breath in me I shall express
my heart of gratitude
for simple things like petals pink
and those as sweet as you~

Cathie Schoo Cardwell 

May 9, 2013

Live in the moment

Why is living in the moment such an impossible task?

Seems simple doesn't it?

It takes a conscious effort. 

Or is that my problem?

Can one erase the content of the mind?

Can one forget about yesterday and not yearn for tomorrow?

Ahhh, the way of the Buddha!

So simple yet so complex!

Is falling asleep during meditation acceptable?

What about crying, laughing, singing?

Daily life in this realm of gravity and messy hair in the morning,

Not so magical or transcending.

Just me in my daily struggle to live in the moment.

Ok, lets start over...

The list

Last night I lay in bed, slumber would not come

I cried and bit my nails as I watched the moon slowly rise over the trees

So full of confusion, questions and despair

my daily seeking for answers to my existence and there after

I tick down the page of my imaginary list

So much to do before I take my journey

If only I could feel good, long enough to accomplish such tasks

but my list just gets longer and longer, I'm out of control

Things I want to give my children and grandchildren

Little tokens of me and those who went before me, little tokens of them as well

I want them to remember, I need for them to want those things

Though small and insignificant as they may be 

My nurses cap and pin, my grandmothers costume jewlery

My book of song and poetry that was written when my children were small.

A box full of trinkets, my guitar, my collection of cobalt blue, my favorite books, 

My old cassette tapes I recorded in my young and innocent days, photographs and stories

My daddy's clerical shirt and step collar that was just presented to me last week

So I continue to stare at the moon, through my tears of despair and sadness

continuing  my list which gets longer and longer, while time gets shorter and shorter,

I'm out of control...

A tribute to Daddy

A poem for my Daddy

Daddy and his daughters at his 80th Birthday party

Daddy always loved the water. Fishing, boating or just absorbing the beauty and serenity.

Celebrating 50 years of ministry.

Angel in the clouds taken outside of Atlanta

  

Reverend Ronald Earl Schoo

                                                                

Heartache and Reality

Two days after my surgery, Rand sat at my side, took my hand and said "I don't know an easy way to tell you this Cathie, but your Daddy passed" I wept until I couldn't breathe. How could this have happened? I saw a picture of him taken just a few days ago of him sitting up in his hospital bed eating breakfast and smiling for Christ's sake! He had a heart attack and was admitted to the hospital in Paducah Ky., in the wee hours of Saturday morning. He was released on the 19th into the care of  Hospice and died 8 hours later surrounded by 3 of my sisters and his wife Debbie.

Daddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple of years ago and he was getting increasingly worse mentally. He fought and won his diagnosis of Prostate Cancer several years prior and as far as I knew was doing ok physically.

A week and half after my surgery, my daughters Tiffany and Lyndsay took me to Paducah for my Daddy's funeral. It was an emotional trip and full of regret and guilt for not being more available to him as he declined. Debbie took such good care of him and loved him through it all. My Paducah sisters Cyndi and Lisa assisted in his care and my sisters from Indiana made trips down to help every chance they had. Thank God for our large family. Unfortunately, even with large families, the majority of the "care burden" falls on a chosen few. Thank you my dear and precious sisters for being there for Daddy on my behalf, for loving him and always showing strength and devotion throughout his journey. Thank you Debbie for loving Daddy like you did (and still do), for being a partner, friend, nurse, caregiver, and wife. For making his life one of happiness and fulfillment.

When accepting my Daddy's death, I was smacked in the face with my own mortality. So many questions re-surfaced, so much fear, so much sadness...

Daddy and Debbie

No seperation between emotional and physical self

Hard to believe it's been two months since I posted already. Life has been a whirlwind...

About a month ago I went to Dr. Kilgore for a check up and had a pelvic exam. Since my diagnosis, pelvic exams have always been uncomfortable for me. Dr. Kilgore is able to palpate the necrotic lesion in my right lower abdomen which is uncomfortable and a bit painful. However, when the exam is complete I'm fine and go about my merry way. The last exam was different. Yes, it was a bit painful as usual but the uncomfortable feeling didn't go away and it continued to get worse until it morphed into actual pain that I needed to medicate for.  I ended up in ER and a scan revealed another abdominal lesion. Surgery was scheduled for April 16 (My sister Janis' Birthday, Happy Birthday Jannie!)

I survived surgery for the removal of a mass in my right abdomen. The lesions in my lungs are being somewhat more problematic now. I'm maintaining about a 90 to 93 oxygen saturation on room air. I get short of breath with exertion and tire easily. Dr. Kilgore said that removing the tumor was like trying to pick up jello, so I'm sure there was spillage and recurrence is inevitable. I'm in recovery mode now, going along as expected I guess. Still fighting my physical and emotional instability...

I'm trying not to let my despair rob my happiness and living in the moment. I have to admit however, it's a struggle. For me, there is no separation between my physical and emotional self. When I feel good, I forget about Cancer for a moment. I'm energetic, happy, able to see beyond my current situation. But when I feel physically bad, I'm sad, depressed and feeling like there's no tomorrow...

  Breathe in...hold your breath...Breathe out

 

 

Scan done on February 13, 2013...Dr. Kilgore called me on the 16th with my results. Everything is stable with no evidence of new disease EXCEPT for (again) continued growth in my right upper lobe. Now its at about 10 cm. Well doesn't that just suck! But then I look for the good...no metastatic disease anywhere else, abdomen stable, no pain (just discomfort that feels like I have those dang stents back in. Urinary urgency, pressure in the pelvic floor. Ibuprofen takes care of it though) I'm back at work and over all am feeling good.

So doc says he's going to consult with Dr. Lewis who is the surgical oncologist that assisted Dr. Kilgore with my surgery in May. He's also going to present me again to the tumor board. Dr. Kilgore will be attending a conference in LA the second week in March too which he wants to go to before he makes any concrete treatment decisions. He's thinking about Taxetere (IV Chemo) and Avastin (Oral Biological Agent that blocks blood vessel formation)

I bought a juicer and have been juicing for about 2 weeks now. Still taking supplements that include Royal Jelly and Bee Pollen, Vit C, Shaitaki, Maitaki, Reishi mushrooms, Noni juice, Turmeric, Vit B complex, GABA and Ginseng. I'm hoping that between the juicing and supplements I can keep my cells happy. And then of course I'm still doing the laser a few times per week.

I keep telling myself that everything I'm doing is helping...I hope it is anyway. It's hard to tell but I don't want to do my own blind study to find out...if you know what I mean.

I got to meet another ULMS warrior when I went for my scan. Meet Susan Melton...such a sweet and gentle soul. It's always so nice to connect with others who are walking the same path.

Birthday, Holiday's and Homecoming

Again, I can't believe so much time has passed since I last posted. Let's see now...November I finished my Chemo and was scanned again. Results showed everything stable except for growth in both my right and left  upper lobes by about a cm. Dr. Kilgore said we would get through the holidays and re-scan after the first of the year.

Lyndsay and I in our cowboy hats that Buddy Pal got for us.

 
We'd been living on "The Knob" in our camper. Off grid since March 2012. What little electricity we had was created with solar panels and a generator. We made it through the 100 degree weather, catching rain water or hauling it from the spring or service station by the jug full, bathing in a baby swimming pool heated by the sun, tending the gardens and chickens, doing laundry at the laundry mat, and all the while recovering from my surgery which was at the end of May. I have to be honest and say that living off grid was fun at first but soon became more difficult than I cared to experience. Maybe if I was still in my 20's. So, with winter upon us, we decided to try to find an "on grid" rental for a while. I found the perfect location the day after we decided to make the move. It's a little mini farm in a adjoining county with a cabin and a YURT for Michael and Lyndsay to live in. It's so nice to have electricity and endless running water. We were able to bring our horses, goat and chickens too.

Michael and Tanner both made it home safe from deployment and are now officially civilians!

Thanksgiving was lovely with the gathering of family and friends. Our daughter Lyndsay and son on law Michael didn't make it up from North Carolina but would be moving back home since leaving the Marines. Tiffany and Jason brought Jason's mom Lynette and her boyfriend Johnny. It was great having them and we all had alot of fun. Corey, Deanna and Dylan came and Tanner, Catie and little Emerson didn't make it until late but that's alright, at least they made it. They had alot of family to visit that day.

Michael and Lyndsay moved back at the end of November. Then came Christmas...and New Year's...Typical family gatherings and fun. I was worried about the holidays prior to our move because they've always been hosted by Rand and I. I didn't know what we were going to do if we were still on the Knob because there was no way to accommodate our quests. So everything worked out beautifully.

I felt great over the holiday's. No pain and high energy.  Life is Good!

My precious Mother celebrated her 80th Birthday in October. I regret that because of Chemo,  I wasn't able to make it to Kentucky to join the celebration.  Pictured here is Mom and her sister Becky.  I love you both so much! Happy Birthday Mommie!

Scan results in...

I had my scan on September 13th as scheduled. Scans are pretty much routine at this stage in the game. I still have a little of the internal jumpy bumps though. I know it's the anticipation of the results. I still go through the same spiritual, introspective, tears, hyper-verbals and anticipation during the process of the scan...sometimes I'm so predictable!

So, the results....well they came back "stable" no change in the lungs or abdomen. I take that as good news.

Dr. Kilgore said that we may need to prolong the duration of my treatments because I've had to delay some of my treatments and my dosages have had to be adjusted down as a result of my blood work. Carboplatin messes with your platelets and chemo in general messes with your Hemoglobin, Hematacrit and Neutrophils. I've had a few hospitalization for blood and platelet infusions. Again, pretty routine stuff at this point.

Over all I'm doing pretty darn good this chemo round. I think that part of it is finding your "new norm" and adjusting to it.

 I begin treatment 1 of my 6th cycle this Thursday. I'll complete my 6th cycle on November 14th and then get re-scanned...the journey continues...

A journey of a thousand miles starts beneath ones feet

Happy 5th Anniversary to ME!

September 7, 2007 was a sad and shocking day for me. It was the day I was diagnosed with ULMS and told I had a 30% chance of living a year. Today I celebrate 5 years of survival! What an awesome day! Happy Anniversary to ME!

What a journey it has been and continues to be. Every day, every moment, every breath, my senses consumed by this journey we call Cancer. Still, when looking back over the past 5 years, I wouldn't change a thing. Peculiar you think? I suspect it is...but, I have learned to embrace this journey and know that it has been part of my life plan and has taught me lessons that I needed to learn. It has also taught others along the way I feel sure.

I just finished round 3 of Chemo and get scanned again on September 13th. This will determine whether the current chemo regimen has been successful in eradicating the cancer. I have also continued my laser treatments. This chemo has been a lot kinder than the last. It was a bumpy start but after adjusting my dosages, it hasn't been that difficult. I can tell when my blood levels drop as I get dizzy when bending over and rising again or getting up quickly, am a little weak in the knees and a bit nauseated and just kinda feeling "blah." But, nothing I can't handle. I've been fighting a chest cold for the past 3 weeks but think that it is finally getting some better. I'm sure my white cells are working as hard as they can right now. Whats left of them anyway.

 It's so nice to be living with no pain as I have since my surgery! My energy is high, my outlook is positive and life is good!

Chemo club...returning member

The chemo "lounge" There are 18 thrown's. The place was packed today. It saddens me to see so many people fighting cancer. I sat in the waiting room and cried. It was difficult to see so many turbins, wigs, baldness, heads resting in hands, frailty, emanciation, swollen faces, feet and hands, staggered gaits, families pushing loved ones in wheel chairs, sullen eyes...I looked around the room and embraced hope for each one there. I know what you feel. I know your thoughts, your wishes, your struggles, your loss, your gain, your journey.  I'm sorry my friend. I truly am sorry.

When I enter the chemo lounge, every chair is occupied. Some are lying under blankets with their heads covered, some are staring into space. A few are talkative (like me). Young and old, black and white, woman and man...all on this journey together.

The potion (Gemzar and Carboplatin) with some anti-emetic and saline mixed in. I asked for the saline because I felt I needed the hydration. I go back next week for another dose of Gemzar and then I'm off a week. Then repeat the same cycle. After 3 cycles I'll get scanned again. I heard today that "Obama care" was passed. That sickens me. The consensus in the clinic is the same disheartened feeling. Watch as our insurance premiums go up and more procedures, medications and diagnostics get denied. It's very scary for people like me with a chronic disease that costs millions to treat. I'm afraid they'll start choosing who gets to survive and who gets to die.

Beautiful flowers that happily occupy my dear sister friends garden in Paducah Kentucky. I love you Susan! I needed to see your flowers today.

Mommie and Sister time...

Mommie and sister Cyndi graced me with a post discharge visit. They felt that since we're living on "The Knob" in a camper with low power source (which means no air conditioner) and a bumpy long driveway that it would be a good idea to get a hotel room for at least a week to help me through my recovery. I'm so thankful you did that for us. Thank you mother so much for providing the room and Cyndi for your "nursing" care. I felt so loved and cared for. Even though I didn't do anything but lay in the bed and cry most of the time. You made the difficult time much easier.

On Friday, sisters Beverly, Lisa and Angie and nieces Chelsie and Kari came from Kentucky and got a room across the hall. It was nice to be surrounded by my sisters, mother and nieces.  I'm just sorry I wasn't able to be the "party animal" I usually am. Maybe next time...

Have you ever noticed how it seems that you're put in places that are strategically chosen? Well that's what happened with our choice of hotels. It just so happens that the receptionist "Jessica"  is also a cancer survivor. She was so sweet and gentle. We bonded instantly. We shared experiences and hope, we cried and laughed and inspired one another. Jessica came to my room one day with a little basket with a candle, book and card which was signed by Jessica, her husband and son. It so touched my heart. We visited for a bit and shared experiences.

My husband, my buddy, my pal...

Sister Cyndi and I getting some sun at the pool...

Jessica and I

Rand keeping me motivated and moving

Presenting a baby hat that mother and Angie knitted for Jessica's baby which is due this winter.

Saying goodbye to my new little friend.

Tiffany and the kids came to visit and we were able to catch a photo of 4 generations...

Lunch at Five Guys before everyone headed home...

Nieces Kari and Chelsie

Mom at the laundry mat...Thanks Cyndi and Mom for doing the laundry!

Love notes from "7 sisters" to "Five Guys"

The "Happy Belles" plant we gave to the hotel for their hospitality. I told them that the plant will remind them that they made us "happy belles" for being so nice.

Group shot before we go...

Me holding the handmade blanket that my dear friend Susan Meachum Grace made for me out of ties.  Everything was hand sewn. Thank you so much Susan! I will treasure it always.

Grammy's little rug rats....

Surgery successful!

On May 29th I had surgery as planned. It was a long and difficult surgery but I was in excellent, skilled and loving hands. Thanks to Dr. Kilgore, Dr. Lewis and the staff at UT Hospital in Knoxville for taking such good care of me. We were told that the tumor was on the verge of rupture and had it ruptured I would have died instantly. Much like a gunshot to the belly. That freaked me out a bit. But, made me realize what Dr. Kilgore told me..."it wasn't your time to go Cathie"

On my way to surgery...

Our kiss goodbye...I was so afraid and bawling my eyes out. Behind Rand stood my Daughter Tiffany, In-laws Bill and Sandy Cardwell and best friend Robin Jones. Thank you my precious family and friend who came to be with me when I was so afraid. I love you all so much! Thank you Lisa and Toby Kieser for coming to the hospital and supporting Rand during my surgery too. You all are so special. 

Post op oxygen and naso-gastric tube...

Thrombo guards and I didn't realize my urine was so bloody until I saw this picture.

The nasty tumor...thank you for the lessons you taught me but it's time for you to go.

My beautiful daughter took time out of her busy schedule to spent the night with me in the hospital. Thank you my precious for being there for me and for your love. You're such a special spirit.

Trying to get a drop of water...the swabs and I became very attached.

2 IV's in my arm and 1 in my port, pulse ox on my ear...

Pain free for 3 months, then....

I continued my laser treatments after my last chemo and experienced pain free life for about 3 months. I truly believe it was the laser that helped. My tumor shrank from about 7cm to 5cm. Then Rand and I moved to our land "Gobbler Knob" We decided to simplify our life and are now living in a camper with a room built on the front of it. It's been a blessing to live in such an environment and away from the hustle and bustle. Its funny how you realize how much you don't need and how most people have way too many "things" Living meagerly sure does teach one many lessons. I tend to the chickens and work to make our place feel like home. Rand works long days trying to pull things together and get all of our "buildings" built. We're building an earth bag home. Very excited and very labor intensive. We hope to be in it by winter of 2012. It may not be complete but livable. My poor husband has done the majority of the work himself. There are times however that we are blessed with help from my father in law Bill, son Corey and our grand daughters boyfriend Bill. Thanks guys! And thanks Dad for everything you do for us! We love you all!

When we moved to "The Knob" it was very difficult to coordinate a time to get my laser treatments with Doc Dennis and I failed to get treatments for 6 weeks. Slowly my pain came creeping back until I was having to medicate myself 3 times a day with little relief. I was rescanned and my scan revealed that my tumor had grown to 8cm! Dr. Kilgore and Dr. Lewis decided it was time to proceed with surgery and surgery was set for May 29th. I'm told that the surgery is major and there is a risk of injuring major blood vessels, losing my legs or living with a colostomy and then of course with any surgery...death!  Ugh!

But, one must be strong and look at the blessings....at least I still have the option of surgery...could  be worse...I could have been told there is nothing that can be done...so once again, Thank you Lord!~

ROUND 3....CHECK!

Every season that visits us, every turn in the rivers path, every look upon the horizon gives us appreciation of the wonderful world around us and heightens our awareness to the whispering lessons of the universe....sit quietly and listen....

 December 2011

Round 3 completed! Thank the Lord!

So glad to have that milestone behind me. No more major bumps in the road. Typical side effects, nausea, constipation, weakness, malaise, little unsteady, dry skin...nothing I can't handle. For those of you who share in chronic conditions, you understand how endurance for discomfort seems to rise and things that would normally put you to bed, now become daily inconveniences that you deal with. Funny and good, how one's body adapts over time.

 During my week at the hospital I had a nice visit from my friend Robin, Dr. Kilgore performed a beautiful winter song on his guitar and sent it to me, my in-laws Bill and Sandy paid me several visits, Rand was in and out between working on The Knob and caring for our animals. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He's my rock and resting place when my world crumbles around me. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this wonderful man to share this life journey. I had a nice surprise visit from my beautiful and loving daughter Tiffany one evening. We had a nice talk and were able to share our hearts. She's such a strong woman. Although, sometimes she has to be reminded of that...

The week went fairly fast which I was thankful for. Now I'm back home, got most of my Christmas shopping done and am enjoying the company of my daughter Lyndsay who is in from North Carolina. She's been a great help with getting gifts wrapped and keeping the house put together, tending to the pups and such. Thank you so much Lyndsay!  We're saddened that our son in law Michael is deployed to Afghanistan and on the front lines (FOB). He's going to miss Christmas, his Birthday, Easter and Lyndsay's Birthday. When you're in the Military though, you just get used to having to miss major events with your family. Still sucks though. We pray for his safety and Gods blessing on him daily. Our son Tanner will be leaving for deployment the end of February.  Grand baby # 6 is expected to arrive in January. Tanner will have to leave when she is only a month old. I know that's going to be difficult.

 I'm thinking of family as I listen to some beautiful soothing music my Mother LaDonna and PaPa John recorded for me, Celtic in nature with windpipes, soothing guitars, piano and stringed instruments. Thanks Mom and John!  I think of my Sister Lisa who recently went through hip surgery for a condition she has had since birth, finally at 42 yrs old she has a new hip! She had her surgery the same day I started round 3. She's also going through some other challenges and I pray for guidance as she is faced with decisions. I pray for a heart of discernment and strength. I think of my sister Cyndi who has always been the rock in our family, holding everything together in her beautiful way! How full of Gods Grace and love she is. She radiates with his mercy and kindness, and Mike, her husband who stands beside her with strength, faith and support. I think of my sister Angie who through her nonsense and antics never fails to make me laugh, and her sweet disposition helps to hold the family together, she and Cyndi are much like partners in crime. I think of my other sisters Janis and Beverly who came for a visit a few weeks ago and how even though we mainly laid around it felt so good to just have sisters near. I think of my sister Luann, the oldest of us all. I miss her. And want her to know that I remember the closeness of our growing years and even though our paths barely cross now and then, I love her. and think of her constantly. I think of my Daddy and Debbie. How many memories can you pack into one moment? Daddy has always made us laugh, has always been strong, tall and bullet proof. Recently, it has become more difficult for him to remember and this breaks our hearts, Debbie has taken such good care of him and I know that it's been challenging. But, we all remain blessed by our memories and continued closeness. There are so many more thoughts exploding from my head and heart right now...it's difficult to put them together in some sensible and logical form, one thought births another and I could go on forever....my Aunt Nancy who is fighting cancer, my friends who have continued to touch my life, my husband and his daily walk with me, my new found faith....Thank you Lord for knowing my heart, for blessing me everyday and giving me newness of life with every sunrise!

Happy Spring~

Spring has brought happy times and memories. Spring, one of my most favorite times of year. New life, hope and color...life played out in poetry~

 This beautiful flower was grown in my Earth Sister Susan Meachum Grace's garden....Thanks Susan!

My new horse "Roddy" I've wanted a horse since I was in my teens. At 54 yrs  old I finally got my horse.

My daughter Lyndsay came to visit in May. Thank you honey for our special Mom and daughter time.

Grand daughter Deanna and boyfriend Bill spent some time with us on the Knob.

Friend Lisa, my little horse Roddy. Thanks for being such a sweet friend Lisa and teaching me about horses.

Standing at the door to the chicken coop with my dozen of fresh brown eggs. Chickens are so cool.

Rand and the pups. The little one is a puppy "Maggie" we got for our daughter Lyndsay.

Beautiful horses on our farm

The farm is such a peaceful and beautiful place

Kylee and Landan came to spend some time with us on the Knob. I always enjoy my time with my Grandchildren.

Grand daughter Deanna and Rand with Roddy. We'll get you a horse one day honey. Hopefully you won't have to wait until you're 54!

Special time with our new grand daughter Emerson, daughter in law Catie and Rands parents.

Mothers Day at Cracker Barrell.

Kylee and Landan played T Ball. It was so comical to watch. No rhyme or reason to the game.

Daughter Tiffany coaching Kylee on 2nd base

"Now Landan, you need to wear your glove so you can catch the ball"

Daddy Jason riding bikes to music with the grand kids. It was so funny! They are such a crazy family. Jason and Tiffany are such wonderful parents. Every day is an adventure!

My Beautiful daughter Tiffany on her 30th Birthday

Kylee turns 4! She dressed herself that day. Plastic jewelry, hair bow, tu tu and cowboy boots. I think its so cool that Tiff just lets her be who she is...part of being a good parent. I don't remember being "that good"

 Sometimes we forget all the little memories that make up our life until we start looking through the pictures that captured the moment. Then we realize, "gee whiz, my life is so full and wonderful!"